Almost, Always
I am here, again.
writing, again.
It's summer again.
tuning from earth
38°42′28″N 122°54′9″W
doing a summer transsmision
listening to yoni opening tunes
in my country studio,
shaded by an ancient redwood
my lapislázuli wind chime
gently being caressed by the sweet breeze
ripening into being,
crossing a threshold,
reclaiming.
and I can’t help myself -
I think of the sacred masculine
for weeks now,
I’ve been revisiting the ache that shaped me
the ways my urban community
was unable to initiate
the magical woman I am
the misunderstandings.
The unfavorable positions i got myself into, we are in this pickle as humans because of our deep father and mother wounds.
I revisit my own father wound—
not to complicate it,
but to soften it—
to integrate it—
to liberate it.
I’ve been having a recurring dream
for years now, since i met this man in Hawai´i
the same man
comes to me in dreams.
the same dream,
the same moment.
I’ve come to believe in sacred contracts—
in the spirit’s capacity
to sense past-life soul connections,
to know karmic relationships.
but beyond this man—
who is more symbol than person,
a place I’ve imprinted myself—
the dream always ends
the same way.
he comes when I am vulnerable.
he reaches,
invites connection—
almost,
we touch
hands nearly reaching,
melting into a forever-embrace of wholeness
that never comes.
it dissolves.
he melts away.
again.
almost,
always.
side note:
i have come to believe this dream-man is the sacred masculine—
my own inner archetype,
asking for integration.
an ancestral longing for man to arise,
from within.
i have been married for four years,
to a man who has slowly, surely
become a lion-hearted presence—
solid and awake.
to be so intimately related
has balanced me in ways I never expected.
it has taught me to be met,
to be fully seen,
to receive.
this dream man of mine—
is only a symbol.
a mirror of my deepest yearning.
a call that has already been answered,
quietly,
through presence,
through time,
through love.
as always attaching a series of photos of life lately and a couple of the summer tunes accompaning me today.
